I stopped by Farley’s one Saturday about a week ago and did a set at the open mic there. The audience seemed to be completely indifferent to the fact that comedy was going on (and not just me), but I thought it turned out well anyway.
Thanks to Sean Stryker for filming this.
I’ve been working on editing video again lately. I’m struck by the same feelings I had last time I tried to do this way-too-complex and thankless task.
I appeared on the local cable access show “Paint with Lynn”, with my friend, comedian Lynn Ruth Miller. They gave me a copy of the shows on DVD. I want to edit each 30 minute episode down to something less than ten minutes so I could upload it to YouTube and so viewers wouldn’t have the urge to kill themselves out of boredom.
First, I thought I would use Final Cut Express. Of course, they don’t let you import the .VOB file format that DVDs use (which is just a renamed mpeg-2 file) unless you spend $20 for the Apple MPEG-2 Playback Component. Why Quicktime won’t play back one of the most important file formats out of the box is beyond me. Okay, it’s not really beyond me: it probably has to do with the cost of patents. It’s still frustrating though.
So I used Handbrake to convert to MPEG-4. This take an hour or so. Well, guess what… Final Cut Express would NOT import the MPEG-4 movies produced by Handbrake. Whaaat???
So after some tests, I used Handbrake to convert to AVI. Another hour. Why Apple’s Final Cut Express supports Microsoft’s container and not Apple’s is beyond the hell out of me.
After spending hours figuring out and getting used to Final Cut, I discovered that Handbrake transcoded the audio, and I suppose due to some weird bug, shifted the levels, causing a bunch of pops in the audio. I noticed this only AFTER I had spent hours assembling all the clips.
So I transcoded AGAIN, this time requesting Handbrake to not transcode the audio, but just it pass through. That’s generally better anyway: it takes less time, and it doesn’t involve conversion, which generally causes a loss in quality. Lesson #1: Avoid transcoding whenever possible.
Finally, I had something that Final Cut could read (an AVI file) and did not have audio popping. I had created the clips by settings marks on the large clip. Luckily, I was able to just switch the underlying AVI files, and since all the time offsets were the same in the new file, I didn’t have to recreate the clips. This is the rough equivalent of changing the tablecloth without unsetting and resetting the table. But it worked. Finally something was going right.
I decided that I hate Final Cut. It’s way overkill for someone who just wants to select sub-clips from a large clip. I thought I would try iMovie for the second episode to see if it was any better.
I was ecstatic to find that iMovie claims support of importing MPEG-2 without buying any additional Quicktime components. However, you can’t just import an MPEG-2 file off your disk: it will only import MPEG-2 from cameras. What?? So you have to trick it into thinking the MPEG-2 file is in a camera hierarchy. After poking around the internet a bit, I discovered an easy way is to image the DVD with Disk Utility, then when you mount the image, iMovie figures it’s a safe unprotected DVD created by a camera (never mind that the DVD I got was unprotected in the first place). It was a huge waste of time and temporary disk space, but the trick worked, and was faster and less lossy than transcoding.
But alas, there was still for one problem: there is something up with the first chapter of the episode I was trying to import, and iMovie would not import it. Of course, Apple’s DVD Player and my hardware-based DVD player both play it just fine, so it’s mostly correct. But iMovie is more picky than it needs to be, and it throws an error. Why doesn’t iMovie use the same MPEG-2 code as DVD Player.app? Who knows? I need some way to figure out what’s wrong with the MPEG-2 file and repair it. Offhand, I know of no such utility. Maybe VLC.app will do it. It does a fabulous job reading otherwise sketchy media files. But that will take at least 15 minutes, so I’ll skip that for now.
Then there is the little matter of rendering. Final Cut Express works very slowly with clips in AVI format (using the H.264 video codec), and for some reason just will not play “unrendered” clips. I believe that “rendering” the clips converts them into an internal DV format which, although incredibly huge, is very quick to decompress so it can scroll around in them. This rendering process takes unbelievably long: it seems to be 8x real time (so one minute of video takes eight minutes to render). And this is on a machine that has absolutely no trouble playing real-time. Why would it take so much longer to render than to play live?! And why does it have to be rendered at all?
I believe the most direct process would be to convert from MPEG-2 to DV format, which I assume would not have to be rendered except during transitions. I haven’t been able to find software that will do this though besides MPEG Streamclip, which requires the $20 MPEG-2 component.
Why doesn’t Apple do more code sharing between their various video codec projects (Final Cut, which won’t read MPEG-2 or .mov files; Quicktime, which requires an upgrade to read MPEG-2 files; iMovie, which can’t read some MPEG-2 files that DVD Player has no trouble with). I suspect that legal concerns with the DMCA enter into at least one of these redundant code disasters.
Video is a living hell. Yes, even on the Mac.
I’ve been doing stand-up comedy for four and a half years now, and done over 400 shows. Recently, I taped a longer set I’ve done and posted it on my web site. I’m happy to see that I’m improving (I’m assuming. I haven’t actually watched it yet). I did 18 minutes, and while not 100% solid and consistent, it’s definitely tolerable, if not funny. I’m hopefully overcoming my biggest weakness of being too boring and monotone with some fake excitement, inflection and movement.
Audiences should realize, however that comedians get better. When you go see a comic live, you aren’t seeing a movie. You’re seeing a slice of a comic’s life. Their performance, although possibly rehearsed, is just another rehearsal, another practice for the shows that comes after. It’s not a final product. It’s another attempt, another try at improving, being funnier, becoming more compelling, getting more interesting. You’re just a guinea pig in this somewhat scientific experiment, and your reaction – laughter, groans, silence, obedience – is the feedback.
Just because a comic is not funny or has a bad show does not mean you will never like that comic. It’s pretty amazing how much I’ve learned and changed in just the last two years. Talent plays a role, but comedy, like pretty much anything else, is something you get better at with practice. When you go see a comedian, you’re watching him or her practice. Just by being there, you’re helping comedians get better.
Thanks, audience member. Here’s your gold star.
Here are highlights from the second of two episodes I filmed. Enjoy!
As I mentioned, in March, I filmed a couple episodes of “Paint with Lynn”. Here’s an edited version of the first episode.
Tuesday night, on the way home from a couple sets in San Francisco, I knew I was out of milk, so I stopped at the 24 hour Safeway near my home at around 1 in the morning.
As I was walking into the store, I decided I may as well do a full-fledged shopping trip.
Late night grocery store is kind of surreal. The staff, although skeleton, massively outnumbers the customers. It’s an opportune time to restock the shelves, so it looks like an industrial wasteland. Flattened empty boxes and heavy machinery are all over the place. A couple times I had to abandon my cart at the end of the aisle because the entryway was blocked by cardboard and forklifts. So I’d hike down on foot and carry my selections back to the cart. It sounds really inconvenient, but this clutter was more than compensated by the fact that there were almost no other shoppers anywhere. At least clutter can be pushed aside without regard for personal space and autonomy. And it doesn’t narcissistic, irritatingly wander back into your way.
My hunger and late-night induced laziness meant I bought a lot more prepared and frozen food than I might otherwise. But wow, the weak economy has really made bargains easy to find! Especially if you have a frequent shopper card.
By the time I got to the checkout, it was around 1:40 AM, and I was nearly drunk with over-tiredness. Just as I put the first item on the belt of the lone available checkout stand, a poor Apple Security guard, holding maybe two items, stepped behind me, his face falling at the sight of my forty or so items. I told him to go in front of me, and he was out of there in a minute. I Am A Good Person.
I suspect some of my shopping decisions were not ideal, but it was nice getting a mundane errand out of the way without dealing with other shoppers. Of course, it wasn’t perfect. While writing this, I realized I left approximately seven hectares of toilet paper in the bottom of the shopping cart. Oops.
TV continues to evolve. There’s been a trend lately in television to feature characters that not only know some rather complicated things, but also use critical thinking skills. Science sells. Now that’s intelligent design!
Take CSI. When I first saw CSI on TV, it was pretty unique. I remember being impressed with the computer graphic-based clips featuring extremely scientific recreations of crime details like blood splatter, or showing bullets tearing through human organs. It’s rather innovative how they teach people about forensic science by embedding it in a relevant plot line. Most crime dramas just tug on your emotions; if they make you think at all, they just make you think about people or society in a “aw, ain’t it too bad” kind of way. CSI makes you think about facts. The reasoning is part of the story. The value of critical thinking is shown, not told.
Then came NUMB3RS. In this show, a math genius helps his FBI brother solve crimes using advanced mathematics. Although the math is generally quite good, this is a bit of a stretch. Most of his work seems to involve statistics — as applied as applied math gets, and no snobby elite math genius would touch applied math with a ten unit-length pole. I’d love to see him try to apply some group theory, maybe to catch the Rubik’s cube murderer or something. Still, kudos to the message of the power of reason.
It’s not just dramas, either. The Big Bang Theory is a sitcom that attempts to humanize nerds. I haven’t seen this show except once on an airplane, and I suspect it would make me cringe more than laugh (“There but for the grace of God, go I.”). My understanding is that the main male characters are rather geeky physicists who somehow manage to have the amazing fortune of having beautiful women living across the hall. Fish out of water. Two worlds collide. Bla bla bla. The fact that this show was even considered by network TV goes to show how trendy science has become.
And just in the past month or two, I’ve been watching – and enjoying – Lie To Me, which features some kind of mix of psychology, sociology and anthropology. It’s an interesting show whose recurring characters are mostly focused on figuring out what emotions a possibly deceitful person is trying to conceal, and their methods seem to be based on actual research. I wonder how long they can continue to bring up original points about how to tell if someone’s lying. Maybe they should provide fellowships to further this research. Academics work a lot cheaper than writers (but probably proportionally slower too).
It’s a fresh bounty for scientific consultants. Anyone got a comedy about math in the works? Sign me up for creative consultant… ’cause I gots me some gut-busting theorems just itchin’ to be proven in the most hilarious of ways!! A laff riot! Hilarity, then QED!
In the 2000 Election, which was primarily a duel between the two four-letter candidates Bush and Gore, the warning “A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush!” was often bounced around.
Of course, in one sense it’s kind of right. Nader tallied 97,421 votes in Florida. Most of these voters probably would have voted for Gore if they had known the actual outcome in advance, and our world would be quite different today. Of course, if they knew the actual outcome in advance, then it wouldn’t have been an actual outcome, but now I’m arguing myself down an infinite wormhole in space.
There are problems with this aphorism. The electoral college voting system, where “winner takes all” in a state meant that voting for Nader in a state that was statistically safe for Gore (or Bush!) was irrelevant to the outcome. In most states, you could send-your-message/throw-away-your-vote care-free. Not Florida, of course, but most states.
Most annoyingly, for me at least, is the numerical inaccuracy. A vote for Nader is not as destructive to Gore as a vote for Bush. It’s half as destructive.
Consider a simplified election with 15 voters: 9 left wing, who prefer Gore or Nader, and 6 right wing, who prefer Bush.
If all lefties vote Gore, he wins, 9-6.
If 4 of them to vote for Nader, Gore loses, 5-6 (and Nader gets 4).
If 2 of them vote for Nader, Gore wins 7-6 (and Nader gets 2).
If 2 of them vote for Bush, Gore loses 7-8.
So as you see, a vote for Nader is not the same as a vote for Bush. You need twice as many voters to switch to Nader for Bush to win, so it’s only half as damaging.
I guess “A vote for Nader is half a vote for Bush!” sounds a little weird. Nevertheless, it’s sad that once again, mathematically accurate details lose out to marketing poetry.
(Ah yes, a blog posting in 2009 about the election of 2000. Whattya think: Too soon?)
When I was on Guy MacPhereson’s “What’s So Funny?” radio show, off air he mentioned to me that he had a short discussion with Irwin Barker about one of my jokes on air in a prior episode. Well, Guy emailed me last week to tell me that the episode was going to re-air, so I listened to it.
Here’s the excerpt (2 minutes, 32 seconds):
Here’s the joke he’s talking about, from the night he saw me (70 seconds):
I continue to maintain, the only thing worse than being talked about… is not being talked about.
I’ve had a video camera pointed at me a fair bit in the past week.
My comedy friends Chris Schiacappasse (she-ack-uh-PASS-ee) and Vahé Hovak have a recurring YouTube show called “Hanging Out” where they come over and for some unscripted hang out. A genuine reality show.
In our episode, after seeing a TV commercial for some 99¢ fast food hamburger, we decided we would hit a handful of fast food joints, buy one burger-thing that costs a dollar from each, then take them home to sample and compare them.
We hit McDonald’s, KFC/Taco Bell (two purchases from each substore there), Wendy’s, Jack-in-the-Box and Burger King. We also stopped at Arby’s and Carl’s Junior, but neither of those snooty establishments had any burgers that met our thrift constraints.
My surprise favourite was Jack-in-the-Box’s Junior Cheeseburger, which despite looking like it had been run over by a truck and not really tasting like actual food, had a wonderful salty delicious flavour of chemical that made me crave more.
Unfortunately, various technical problems (a low battery, then we ran out of tape) means that large portions of this part of the taste test were not taped, so this info probably doesn’t qualify as a spoiler.
This episode will be probably be available on YouTube eventually. In the future.
Then, last night I went to the monthly taping of “Paint with Lynn”, a show on public access cable TV channel 26 in Pacifica, California, where host Lynn Ruth Miller, a near-octogenarian comedian, painter and ne’er-do-well comes up with an art project.
I haven’t done an art project since elementary school. We worked on our projects separately while trading quips. It was a blast and I’m simultaneously curious about and dreading the final cut. If you have access to Pacifica cable, “check your local listings”. I’ll be getting a DVD (also in the future) which maybe I can post on the internet.
